Who is Kent Brockman?
Kent Brockman, in case you are unaware, is the news anchor on
Channel Six on The Simpsons. He
has a tendency to say really bizarre things. Sort of like Dan Rather,
only with an audience.
- After a rock concert turns into a riot (The Otto Show):
- Of course, it would be wrong to suggest this sort of mayhem began with
rock-and-roll. After all, there were riots at the premiere of Mozart's
``The Magic Flute''. So, what's the answer? Ban all music? In this
reporters opinion, the answer, sadly, is `yes'.
- Reporting on sexual harrassment charges against Homer Simpson (Homer Bad Man):
- Now, here are some results from our phone-in
poll: 95% of the people believe Homer Simpson is guilty. Of
course, this is just a television poll which is not legally
binding, unless proposition 304 passes, and we all pray it will.
- From the Saint Patrick's Day Parade (Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment):
- Top of the morning to ye on this gray, drizzly afternoon. Kent
O'Brockman live on Main Street, where today everyone is a little bit
Irish, except, of course, for the gays and the Italians.
- Still on St. Pat's Day, Bart gets drunk and asks a TV camera, "what are you looking at?" Brockman responds (Homer vs. the Eighteenth Amendment):
- "What are _you_ looking at?"--the innocent words of a drunken
child. Well, I'll _tell_ you what we're looking at, young
man. A town gone mad. A town whose very conscious was
washed away in a tide of beer and green vomit. But what's the solution? Are we so bereft of ideas that we must revive the antiquated notion of prohibition? Channel Six says yes!
- "The Boy Who Knew Too Much"
- Kent Brockman, just outside the County Courtroom where an argument
about chowder has spilled over into the biggest trial in
Springfield history. Behind these doors, a federal judge will
ladle out steaming bowls of rich, creamy justice in a case the
media have dubbed "Beat-Up Waiter." This reporter suggested
"Waitergate", but was howled down at the press club.
Now, it's illegal to televise court proceedings in this state, so
[whispers] we'll have to be quiet.
[walks towards courtroom doors only to have them slammed in his
- Homer Simpson has become an astronaut. In orbit, he carelessly breaks an ant farm, spreading ants into the ship ("Deep Space Homer")
We're just about to get our first pictures from inside the
spacecraft with "average-naut" Homer Simpson, and we'd like to
[Camera shows a close-up of an ant floating in front of the
Ladies and gentlemen, er, we've just lost the picture, but,
uh, what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft
has been taken over -- "conquered", if you will -- by a master
race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this
vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men
or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain, there is no
stopping them; the ants will soon be here.
And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to
remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful
in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar
- "Itchy and Scratchy and Marge"
- Hello, I'm Kent Brockman, and welcome to another edition of `Smartline'.
Are cartoons too violent for children? Most people would say, ``No, of
course not, what kind of stupid question is that?''
- More "Smartline", "Itchy and Scratchy and Marge"
- I'd like to alert our affiliates that we will be ending our show early tonight.
Join us tomorrow, when our topic will be, ``Religion: Which is the one true
- "Much Apu About Nothing"
- This is Kent Brockman with a special report from the Channel 6 News
Copter. A large, bear-like animal, most likely a bear, has wandered
down from the hill in search of food or perhaps employment.